As you might have guessed, I don't know how to do this. I don't even know why I decided to start blogging in the first place. I guess I just need a place to be able to actually talk. Between you and me, there is a lot of guessing going on here. Probably nobody will read this, and if you do, please don't expect any powerful, mind-boggling realizations or even any very good writing. If you want that, check out Julia Albain's blog at www.homewardwandering.blogspot.com . SHE can write. I just want to say what I feel.
Have you ever felt that you are an accessory in someone else's life? It feels like everyone around you has a life and a home and you are just there to watch. Everything is swirling past me and I don't know where to go. I transferred schools 3 years ago. I have friends at my new school and a wonderful, amazing best friend from my old school and an incredible best friend forever who I never went to school with and it is better when I am with them. They will listen when I talk, without criticizing or judging. Sometimes, though, no one is there who will talk or just sit there listening. It feels like standing in a crowded room screaming, but nobody hears you. To put it plainly, it sucks.
I want to be an actress. Acting is when I feel free. I am whoever I can create. Wow, I really don't make sense right now. Anyway, I love it. I love the make up and the costumes and the backstage work and the panic when you forget your lines. When I am onstage, I can just let go. I want to go to college and get a BFA in theatre. I would do musical theatre, but my voice would make a cat being run over by a car sound like Idina Menzel. My mom hates this idea. I'm talking put-me-in-a-straitjacket-and-force-me-to-law-school hates it. She claims I am throwing away my education for something that will ultimately land me homeless under a bench. She claims that I am not thinking it through and that I wil change my mind. She claims a lot of things, but what she doesn't know is that I have a lot of time to think, and I know what I want. Acting is it. End of story.
Well this has been suitably depressing. I know that probably no one will read this but if you do, thank you for not running away screaming. I will try to be happier next time, it's just that I have been holding in a lot of things for a long time. So thanks for listening, and.....bye
Love Hannah
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